Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
