Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
