i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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