all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
