i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
