SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
and you fell through a lawn chair
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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