Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
