I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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