Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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