he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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