I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
