We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
