You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
