the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
