i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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