She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize