I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
