If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
