a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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