Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
