I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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