Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
