Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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