In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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