Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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