Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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