Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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