We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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