hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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