the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
