Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
