Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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