Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Terrible idea I love it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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