I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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