Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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