She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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