I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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