her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
