What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize