I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
