So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
