I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
