it's like iHOP with fire
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
