He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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