hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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