What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
