i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
