you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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