the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
