So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
