wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
