i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
