In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
