Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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