Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
