I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i think i just lost a toe
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
