DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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