I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
