I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
