That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
