Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
