My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
